The Era of Being Labeled a Strong Black Woman is Dwindling

By Jamie-Lee Collman

When it comes to the Black community, we find that Black women are oftentimes viewed as strong, powerful beings who don’t need anyone else’s help. We’re brought up to believe that we can do everything on our own without the aid of those around us. At the same time, we tend to take on a lot of adult responsibilities during integral points in our lives that are meant to be experienced outside of them, i.e. childhood and preteen years. Over time, there has been a lot of discourse surrounding where this idealization stems from, taking it all the way back to slavery when Black women were required to take on a number of responsibilities for their slave owners. Ever since then, the concept of a Black woman’s strength being one that takes whatever is thrown at her without complaint has remained ingrained into the structuring and functioning of societal norms that we see today. These beliefs not only come from outside of the community, but within it as well. Black women are typically not deemed viable for obtaining and maintaining a lifestyle that is not centered around struggle.   

Most of the time, this mindset has done more harm for black women than it has done to help. Certainly, one would think “well, duh!” in response to that statement, but many believe that it’s part of a Black woman’s autonomy. It’s expected that we bear the burden of carrying the weight within relationships, both familial and romantic, without going against the grain. Lately, there has been a larger discussion surrounding the stereotype of the “strong Black woman” and how Black women are becoming more reluctant in associating themselves with it.

As time has progressed, Black women have begun to recognize that it is not a stereotype that resonates with them like much of society would like to have us think. Recently, more Black women have become attuned to the concept of tapping into their softer sides; leading while still basking in the relief and rest that stems from allowing others to take charge too. No longer encouraging that they be the first one to step up in certain circumstances. This revelation has become increasingly prominent in not only romance and friendships, but also professional settings. In each of these instances, Black women have always been required to work twice as hard as the person next to them. Not only taking on the baggage that comes with leading the pack, but the emotional and mental weight of every single problem they are faced with without having a helping hand or someone else to reach out to for assistance and to alleviate them of some stress.

In HBO’s Insecure, Molly was a prime example of this, especially as the seasons progressed and her storyline began to delve deeper into her parents’ personal affairs. It became abundantly clear that there were some underlying issues present in her parent’s lives. They had not been doing their due diligence when it came to preparing accordingly for the future that appeared to be closer than further ahead. At that moment, Molly decided to step in and take charge of the situation, unprovoked. Her parents never even asked for her help with this, nor was there any recognition of the fact that Molly had siblings who could have stepped up as well. All of them are males. She eventually sat her parents down with her good friend Kelli to help walk them through each step of the process for financial success in preparation for their retirement. It proved to be an incredibly lengthy process, one that lasted well into the weekend and led to a lot of ups and downs between Molly and her parents about what was best for their needs.  

Following that time spent working through their financial plans, Molly’s mother ends up in the hospital due to a stroke. Apparently, this isn’t the first time, but the first that Molly is made aware of her health issues. In this moment, we begin to see the strong Black woman facade steadily slipping away due to the overburdening emotions that come with witnessing a loved one struggling from health problems. Even though Molly and her family couldn’t have anticipated the outcome following her mother’s stroke, this allowed Molly to relieve herself of the sole responsibility. During a business trip, she allowed herself to become more vulnerable following the support of her fellow colleague Taurean Jackson following a heart-to-heart conversation between the two.

“I’m an idiot, for trying to do everything.” - Molly

“No, I get it … remember last year and the New Co. case? Well, my older brother was going through cancer treatments and I was a wreck.” - Taurean

Now, the topic of their newfound dynamic will come a bit later, but it became clear in the show that Molly had been standing in her own way of finding true, authentic connections with men. She was always looking for a reason to knock their worth down a peg because in retrospect, to some degree, it allowed her to maintain some control over the situation. That way of thinking can only be summoned the longer someone is placed in the role of taking on everything all the time. They begin to believe that it should be applied to every facet of their lives and sometimes it even boils down to a fear of intimacy. However, when you’re deemed to be a strong Black woman, then there is no room for that to begin with. There’s only room for survival, putting on a strong front and getting through each hiccup as they continue to accumulate and stack up against you. There’s no time for emotions; let alone feeling them. Witnessing this conversation between Molly and Taurean as they got personal with each other and opened up about subject matters beyond work was a breath of fresh air. Taurean not only validated Molly’s emotions, but also granted her the room for such a delicate conversation.

So what happens when you no longer want to be known for harboring a shield of force? For wielding an iron clad hammer in the face of adversity to protect yourself from the woes experienced both within life and society? What happens, when you’d rather hand away some of that prowess and grant someone the ability to provide protection as well? 

This became a pivotal moment for Molly in the show. In essence, you can see similar thoughts like those reeling in the back of her mind as she considered whether it was worth upholding the strength it took to do everything on her own or allow someone in to witness her vulnerability. To lend her that helping hand in lieu of expecting that she handled it all on her own as has been customary for the majority of her life. Oddly enough, it can become difficult to view oneself from the perspective of an outsider looking in because when you’re in it, it feels like drowning. Attempting to wade oneself above the tides of pain that consume us in those moments more than we’re willing to let on. Mostly because we think that if we fight hard, long enough then we can rise above and set ourselves free from those ferocious waves. If I’m still breathing, then I must be fine, right? 

Well, unfortunately that isn’t always the case. Thus we center the attention back on Taurean Jackson. It’s a fascinating concept to witness. The way that his initial connection with Molly started out rough, but in turn became a lesson for her. That there’s no ‘I’ in ‘Team’ and it was unfair for her to step in front of Taurean while partnering on a case. Something inside of her clicked and was altered greatly at the realization that she should’ve been more of a team player rather than looking out for herself alone. The funny thing is, it’s apparent how her behavior made him feel. His demeanor changes while engaging with her, and at some point Molly realizes she has to make amends with him over it. Not only because they’ll likely work on more cases together, but because she needed to check herself to begin with. This behavior wasn’t only obvious in this dynamic, but it was witnessed in her other ones as well and sort of became like a recurring theme for Molly until she was finally able to see past herself.

“Work can’t matter more than real life. We’re on the same team. If you ever need anything …”- Taurean

Eventually, the branch of support is extended by Taurean creating a safe space for Molly by opening up to her about his own personal family problems that he’d been dealing with. Where he reminded her that it’s okay to prioritize family, life before work, that sometimes it’s okay to lean on others for help and the importance of doing so. By the time the night came to an end, he was approaching her door with some swag gifted by the company that she almost missed out on, in which she also found out good news about her mother’s health getting better while in the hospital. You can see the instant that she finally relaxes when she finds herself engaged in a tight hug with Taurean. It’s evident that their conversation meant a lot to her. That, instead of him provoking the concept of being strong during her situation, she was allowed to be soft, gentle, emotional. This is where we see the flip switch for her, and it’s becoming more popular amongst Black women nowadays as well. Although, it goes beyond someone allowing it, rather the conversations increase around the belief that Black women are allowed to be soft. Black women are allowed to indulge in self-love. Black women are allowed to place their armor down, remove themselves of that shield and bask in the love surrounding them whether it stems from family, friends, or colleagues. The weight of carrying everyone else’s burden is being carefully picked, pried apart by Black women and replaced with the affirmation that Black women deserve to be loved and seen as gentle beings too.